Why Adopt from China?

      When I told you I am in the process of adopting a child from China, did you notice I was a little delirious with joy? Did my eyes shine brighter? Did my step seem lighter?   Did it raise questions in your mind? Those questions are natural.   For example, you might wonder why we and 20,000 other US families per year would travel to China and other countries to adopt a child. After all, arent there kids here in the US who need a home?

        The good news is some families have success stories of domestic adoption. The bad news is for every success story there are too many horror stories.  The US public system of foster care and adoption often resembles a train wreck that traps many kids and traumatizes them just when they need loving care the most.

        The US Dept. of Health & Human Services reports around 550,000 kids are in the foster care system, average age 10.6 years, and about 126,000 await adoption. Kids are placed in foster care when they are abused or the parents are unable or judged unfit to care for them. Substance abuse is a factor in 75% of cases according to HHS.

        Abusive and frequently addicted parents are given one more last chance again and again, with the child torn to and fro in their very own nightmare. In a few cases they are abused in the foster home intended to protect them. Legal decisions to terminate parental rights and place the child for adoption come only after a long and torturous struggle. By then the unfortunate child is likely to have serious behavioral problems of their own.

        Like most who seek adoption, we just want children, and we arent prepared to bring difficulties into our family.

        What about private adoption of a newborn from a willing birth mother? That works for some but has its own challenges. Because we are older, our wait would be  uncertain and could be, well, forever. Couples must compete for the birth mother to select them and pay as much as $30,000 or more.  Furthermore, state laws treat children a bit like property, protecting the rights of biological parents at the expense of adoptive parents and the child. The birth mother can reverse her decision to give up the child, and long after the adoption a birth father can surface to claim parental rights in a legal battle he just might win. Weve all seen high profile cases on TV with families torn apart.

        While the US systems tend to discourage adoption, things are different in China. Population control measures and cultural practices fill Chinese orphanages with infants, mostly girls, birth parents unknown. The Chinese adoption system works very well for their citizens and foreigners alike. The entire process spans just over a year, has a clean record without the corruption in some other countries and the children are healthy and well cared for in the orphanages. Adoption procedures are well established and expenses compare favorably to other countries. The adoption is legally complete and irrevocable during our two weeks in China; the chance of birth parent challenge is virtually zero. Finally, it doesnt hurt that Chinese children are beautiful.

        As part of a China adoption we must obtain BCIS (INS) approval to bring a foreign adopted child into the country. Many others who preceded us report that during their China adoption our own BCIS gave them the same shabby treatment and poor service they give to immigrants. By contrast, the officials they dealt with in China treated them with efficiency and courtesy and respect at every juncture.

        What is wrong with this picture? Our US system discourages adoption while other less developed countries break down barriers and streamline the process. Is there any wonder so many travel to other countries to adopt?

        Some believe adoption is easier than childbirth, and that genetics make you love a biological child differently than an adopted child.  They are wrong on both counts.  Just like pregnancy, the adoption process has its very own emotional roller coaster ride into and out of the clouds, so please understand if I am a little tense as I wait.  And I promise you, just as thousands have discovered before me, I will love my child more than my own life. Adoption will not define her, it will merely be the way she joined the family. As one friend puts it Some of my children are adopted, but I forget which ones. 

        I am thankful for all the families who have and will adopt from China.  Nevertheless, I wish we would break down the barriers in our own country.

        My hope is that some day our foster care train wreck and imperfect laws will be cleaned up so families who want a child and children who need a home have a better chance of finding one another, right here in the US. Until that happens, a growing number of American families will reach across national boundaries to adopt because they dont want problems, they just want a child.

        It is natural to wonder why we would adopt from China, and we wanted to help you understand.  While I am waiting for my turn to travel to China I might be a little crazy with nerves on edge. When I return I will be crazy in love with my child.